Dahlia Scheindlin & Letty Cottin Pogrebin on "Shanda: A Memoir"

Quick Overview

Letty Cottin Pogrebin's memoir "Shanda" explores the pervasive nature of shame and secrecy, particularly within Jewish culture, arguing that while corrosive shame erodes confidence, a "good shame" acts as a conscience, preventing harm and buttressing the rule of law. The book reveals how personal and familial secrets, often rooted in a desire for acceptance or survival, shape identity and can lead to profound self-discovery through their uncovering.

Key Points: Letty Cottin Pogrebin's book "Shanda" argues for a "good shame" that acts as a conscience, preventing harm and buttressing the rule of law, stating, "I'd like to wish everyone a secret free life but not a shame-free life because there's a Positive Purpose to certain kinds of Shame... the kind that makes for conscience." Pogrebin distinguishes shame from guilt, explaining, "We say I am ashamed but I feel guilty," highlighting that shame is deeply incorporated into one's sense of self, while guilt is often fixable. The author discovered her parents constructed an elaborate "Potemkin Village" of lies to hide their past, including a divorce in the 1920s, which was considered a major "shonda," leading her mother to state, "I lied because I could not stand the truth." Jewish shame is rooted in biblical stories of barren women and deception, and historically manifested in practices like hidden Jews (conversos, Marranos) and name changes to fit in, as well as hiding family illnesses like cancer to protect marriage prospects, because "If you have ashanda in your family... you can't make ashanda so you hide." Pogrebin expresses shame over Israel's 2018 nation-state law, which she believes "removed rights from the non-jewish population of Israel" and created second-class citizenship, calling it "ashonda." Donald Trump exemplifies a dangerous "shamelessness," having "warped distorted twisted besmirched... the whole concept of Shame," which has delegitimized truth and legitimized immoral behavior in public life. The book's central message is that uncovering and confronting family secrets, even painful ones, can lead to profound self-understanding and forgiveness, allowing individuals to be free of the condition of falsifying themselves.