The Best Way To Feel Calm (Is to Not Try To Feel Calm)

Quick Overview

The best way to feel calm, according to the host Dan Harris referencing Henry Shukman, is to stop trying to feel calm and instead adopt an attitude of non-judgmental, open, curious awareness toward whatever feelings or sensations arise during meditation, such as restlessness, sadness, or anxiety.

Key Points: The central principle is that actively trying to force calmness during meditation is counterproductive and causes unnecessary strain. Henry Shukman's technique involves looking for the part of oneself that is trying to hold everything together, realizing that self is an illusion, and accepting the temporary nature of difficult emotions. When experiencing negative emotions like sadness or anxiety during practice, the goal is to create distance by observing them as a process rather than getting entangled in the content of the thoughts. The recommended meditation practice involves sitting and feeling the emotions clearly, cultivating a non-judgmental, curious awareness of the physical sensations associated with those emotions. Dan Harris notes that he personally struggles with this, often pushing too hard for a specific outcome or feeling calm, which leads to frustration. He suggests that even short periods, like 5 to 10 minutes, of this mindful sitting (without the goal of achieving a specific state) can be very helpful. The 10% Happier app offers guided meditations, including those by Henry Shukman, and a free 14-day trial is available at DanHarris.com.

Context: Dan Harris introduces this segment of the 10% Happier podcast as a Q&A session addressing listener questions about meditation, specifically focusing on how to handle difficult emotional pain or physical restlessness during practice. He references a technique taught by meditation teacher Henry Shukman, which counters the common tendency for meditators to try too hard to achieve a desired state of calm.

Detailed Analysis

Dan Harris opens by addressing questions submitted via the 10% Happier app, citing a core concept from meditation teacher Henry Shukman: the best way to feel calm is to stop trying to feel calm. He explains that actively trying to force calmness or focus often leads to strain and headaches, or a feeling of failure if the desired state isn't achieved. Harris references Shukman's teaching, which suggests that the self we try to hold together is an illusion, and that difficult emotions like sadness, loneliness, anger, or anxiety are transient. The key practice, derived from this teaching, is to observe these feelings and sensations with a non-judgmental, open, and curious awareness, rather than trying to push them away or force a calm state. He admits that he personally struggles with this, often over-optimizing his practice. He also mentions that this approach contrasts with the common goal-oriented mindset people bring to meditation. Harris concludes by thanking his listeners and production team, mentioning the 10% Happier app resources, including a free trial.