# The Best Way To Feel Calm (Is to Not Try To Feel Calm) Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHT99lCE3-I Recap page: https://rapidrecap.app/video/cHT99lCE3-I Generated: 2026-02-20T10:33:17.815+00:00 --- ## Quick Overview The best way to feel calm, according to the host Dan Harris referencing Henry Shukman, is to stop trying to feel calm and instead adopt an attitude of non-judgmental, open, curious awareness toward whatever feelings or sensations arise during meditation, such as restlessness, sadness, or anxiety. **Key Points:** - The central principle is that actively trying to force calmness during meditation is counterproductive and causes unnecessary strain. - Henry Shukman's technique involves looking for the part of oneself that is trying to hold everything together, realizing that self is an illusion, and accepting the temporary nature of difficult emotions. - When experiencing negative emotions like sadness or anxiety during practice, the goal is to create distance by observing them as a process rather than getting entangled in the content of the thoughts. - The recommended meditation practice involves sitting and feeling the emotions clearly, cultivating a non-judgmental, curious awareness of the physical sensations associated with those emotions. - Dan Harris notes that he personally struggles with this, often pushing too hard for a specific outcome or feeling calm, which leads to frustration. - He suggests that even short periods, like 5 to 10 minutes, of this mindful sitting (without the goal of achieving a specific state) can be very helpful. - The 10% Happier app offers guided meditations, including those by Henry Shukman, and a free 14-day trial is available at DanHarris.com. ![Screenshot at 00:00: Dan Harris introduces the topic: "The best way to feel calm \(is to not try to feel calm\)" which sets the theme for the discussion about effort in meditation.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/cHT99lCE3-I/00-00-00.jpg) **Context:** Dan Harris introduces this segment of the 10% Happier podcast as a Q&A session addressing listener questions about meditation, specifically focusing on how to handle difficult emotional pain or physical restlessness during practice. He references a technique taught by meditation teacher Henry Shukman, which counters the common tendency for meditators to try too hard to achieve a desired state of calm. ## Detailed Analysis Dan Harris opens by addressing questions submitted via the 10% Happier app, citing a core concept from meditation teacher Henry Shukman: the best way to feel calm is to stop trying to feel calm. He explains that actively trying to force calmness or focus often leads to strain and headaches, or a feeling of failure if the desired state isn't achieved. Harris references Shukman's teaching, which suggests that the self we try to hold together is an illusion, and that difficult emotions like sadness, loneliness, anger, or anxiety are transient. The key practice, derived from this teaching, is to observe these feelings and sensations with a non-judgmental, open, and curious awareness, rather than trying to push them away or force a calm state. He admits that he personally struggles with this, often over-optimizing his practice. He also mentions that this approach contrasts with the common goal-oriented mindset people bring to meditation. Harris concludes by thanking his listeners and production team, mentioning the 10% Happier app resources, including a free trial. ### Introduction to Q&A - Dan Harris welcomes questions, specifically referencing a query from Rose about handling pain and restlessness during meditation, and a question from Kevin about navigating the urge to feel calm. ### The Core Teaching (Henry Shukman) - The best way to feel calm is to stop trying to feel calm; this involves recognizing that the 'self' trying to control everything is an illusion and that emotions are temporary. ### Practical Application - When difficult emotions or sensations arise during meditation, the goal is to create distance by observing them as a process rather than getting entangled in their content, perhaps by focusing on the feeling of the breath or the physical sensations of walking. ### Addressing Common Pitfalls - Harris notes that trying too hard to achieve calm or to avoid negative feelings (like restlessness or anxiety) is counterproductive; the practice is about non-judgmental awareness, not forcing a specific outcome. ### Call to Action & Credits - Harris plugs the 10% Happier app, offering a 14-day free trial at DanHarris.com, and thanks his production team (Tara Anderson, Eleanor Vassily, DJ Kashmir) and composer Nick Thorburn. ![Screenshot at 00:00: Dan Harris introduces the main concept: "The best way to feel calm \(is to not try to feel calm\)".](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/cHT99lCE3-I/00-00-00.jpg) ![Screenshot at 01:40: Sponsor advertisement slide for LinkedIn, directing viewers to linkedin.com/happier.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/cHT99lCE3-I/00-01-40.jpg) ![Screenshot at 02:56: Dan Harris discusses the difficulty of sitting still without ruminating, referencing the need to look for the 'core nugget of self'.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/cHT99lCE3-I/00-02-56.jpg) ![Screenshot at 05:57: Dan Harris explains that the goal is not to feel a certain way, but to acknowledge the experience with non-judgmental awareness.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/cHT99lCE3-I/00-05-57.jpg) ![Screenshot at 11:09: Harris explains that the wanting of certain outcomes is what gets in the way of practice, and that he is a 'classic over optimizer'.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/cHT99lCE3-I/00-11-09.jpg)