4 ways to season your sex life | Candice Nicole Hargons | TEDxNashvilleWomen

Quick Overview

Candice Nicole Hargons outlines a four-step "New Recipe" for women to reclaim sexual liberation and pleasure by defining good sex for themselves, determining what they want, talking about sex, and prioritizing playful practice over performance, especially given that research shows women experience the orgasm gap and often feel shame about their desires.

Key Points: The speaker introduces a "New Recipe" for sexual liberation consisting of four steps: describe good sex for yourself (select seasonings), determine what you want to do (season staples), talk about sex (mix), and prioritize playful practice over performance (cook). Research indicates that 64% of women report experiencing the orgasm gap, while 77% report pleasurable sex and 70% report satisfying sex, showing a disconnect between physical pleasure and climax. The speaker cites research from Dr. Shimika Thort (04:33) showing that 64% of surveyed women did not have an orgasm the last time they had sex, and Dr. Laurice Mintz (06:10) describing the orgasm gap. The speaker advocates for women to define their own desires rather than adhering to external, often white, male-centric cultural recipes for sex dating back to the 1700s. The four steps of the recipe encourage self-definition, clear communication with partners about what is wanted, and prioritizing playfulness over performance anxiety. The speaker encourages the audience to ask their partners what is on their sexual menu and to be ready to say 'no' if necessary, reinforcing self-advocacy. The ultimate goal is for women to have access to all sexual seasonings and experience sexual pleasure and liberation as rewarding, not just as a means to an end.

Context: Candice Nicole Hargons delivers a TEDx talk at TEDxNashvilleWomen, using the metaphor of cooking and seasoning to discuss reclaiming female sexual autonomy and pleasure. She challenges the audience to move beyond culturally ingrained, often restrictive, definitions of good sex and instead create personalized sexual menus based on their own desires and experiences.