# 4 ways to season your sex life | Candice Nicole Hargons | TEDxNashvilleWomen Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bucC4LRVGPY Recap page: https://rapidrecap.app/video/bucC4LRVGPY Generated: 2026-02-13T22:02:55.845+00:00 --- ## Quick Overview Candice Nicole Hargons outlines a four-step "New Recipe" for women to reclaim sexual liberation and pleasure by defining good sex for themselves, determining what they want, talking about sex, and prioritizing playful practice over performance, especially given that research shows women experience the orgasm gap and often feel shame about their desires. **Key Points:** - The speaker introduces a "New Recipe" for sexual liberation consisting of four steps: describe good sex for yourself (select seasonings), determine what you want to do (season staples), talk about sex (mix), and prioritize playful practice over performance (cook). - Research indicates that 64% of women report experiencing the orgasm gap, while 77% report pleasurable sex and 70% report satisfying sex, showing a disconnect between physical pleasure and climax. - The speaker cites research from Dr. Shimika Thort (04:33) showing that 64% of surveyed women did not have an orgasm the last time they had sex, and Dr. Laurice Mintz (06:10) describing the orgasm gap. - The speaker advocates for women to define their own desires rather than adhering to external, often white, male-centric cultural recipes for sex dating back to the 1700s. - The four steps of the recipe encourage self-definition, clear communication with partners about what is wanted, and prioritizing playfulness over performance anxiety. - The speaker encourages the audience to ask their partners what is on their sexual menu and to be ready to say 'no' if necessary, reinforcing self-advocacy. - The ultimate goal is for women to have access to all sexual seasonings and experience sexual pleasure and liberation as rewarding, not just as a means to an end. ![Screenshot at 04:37: The slide displays the "NEW RECIPE" with four steps, including selecting "sexual seasonings" and prioritizing "playful practice, not performance."](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/bucC4LRVGPY/00-04-37.jpg) **Context:** Candice Nicole Hargons delivers a TEDx talk at TEDxNashvilleWomen, using the metaphor of cooking and seasoning to discuss reclaiming female sexual autonomy and pleasure. She challenges the audience to move beyond culturally ingrained, often restrictive, definitions of good sex and instead create personalized sexual menus based on their own desires and experiences. ## Detailed Analysis Candice Nicole Hargons presents a four-step framework, dubbed the "New Recipe," designed to help women achieve sexual liberation by defining good sex for themselves. She begins by highlighting the common issue of the orgasm gap, noting that while 77% of women report pleasurable sex and 70% report satisfying sex, 64% reported not having an orgasm the last time they had sex, citing research by Dr. Shimika Thort and Dr. Laurice Mintz. Hargons argues that society has historically fed women a restrictive recipe for sex, often derived from 1700s white male perspectives, which leads to shame and prevents women from advocating for their true desires. Her four steps are: 1. Describe good sex for yourself—Select your sexual seasonings. 2. Determine what you want to do—Season your sexual staples. 3. Talk about sex—Mix. 4. Prioritize playful practice, not performance—Cook. She emphasizes that these steps require self-advocacy and open communication, encouraging the audience to ask their partners what is on their menu and to be comfortable saying 'no.' The goal is to ensure that sexual experiences—which include pleasure, satisfaction, and orgasm—are nourishing to the mind, body, and soul, and not merely acts of performance or rooted in body-shaming anxiety. ### Introduction - The Sex Seasoning Metaphor: Most of us were fed boiled chicken without seasoning growing up - This menu would be what most of us were taught was sexual holy grail - We were taught that seasoning on actual chicken is not essential. ### The Problem - The Orgasm Gap and Cultural Recipes: So many women ate from the unseasoned sexual menu - We were taught this sexual menu if it had any flavor was it for us - Many women still struggle to release the unseasoned sexual menu. ### The Four-Step Recipe for Sexual Liberation - You already halfway through making your sexual menus - Number 1: Describe good sex for yourself - Select your sexual seasonings - Number 2: Determine what you want to do - Season your sexual staples - Number 3: Talk about sex - Mix - Number 4: Prioritize playful practice, not performance - Cook. ### Actionable Steps and Conclusion - Don't let performance anxiety and perfectionism get in the way - I want for you what I want for you: intimate justice - I believe our sex lives can be a site of liberation and intimate justice for all. ![Screenshot at 00:09: Speaker Candice Nicole Hargons standing on stage next to a screen displaying a pile of unseasoned, boiled chicken.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/bucC4LRVGPY/00-00-09.jpg) ![Screenshot at 00:05: The stage features large white letters spelling "Nashville" next to the red "TEDx" logo.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/bucC4LRVGPY/00-00-05.jpg) ![Screenshot at 04:37: A slide titled "NEW RECIPE" lists four steps for seasoning one's sex life, including selecting "sexual seasonings" and prioritizing "playful practice."](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/bucC4LRVGPY/00-04-37.jpg) ![Screenshot at 05:31: A graphic showing three salt shakers labeled "orgasmic" \(64%\), "pleasurable" \(77%\), and "satisfying" \(70%\), illustrating the sexual satisfaction gap.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/bucC4LRVGPY/00-05-31.jpg) ![Screenshot at 11:43: The slide displays the completed New Recipe, which includes: 1. Describe good sex for yourself - Select your sexual seasonings. 2. Determine what you want to do - Season your sexual staples. 3. Talk about sex - Mix. 4. Prioritize playful practice, not performance - Cook.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/bucC4LRVGPY/00-11-43.jpg)