How to deal with difficult people | Dr. Jeff Kaplan | TEDxWilmingtonSalon

Quick Overview

Dr. Jeff Kaplan presents three core principles for dealing with difficult people: 1) Don't make people wrong or ask for what you want, but instead ask for what you want; 2) Don't judge, but get curious; and 3) Don't take things personally, but assume good intent. The main outcome is that by practicing these principles, individuals can improve their relationships by shifting from reactive blame to proactive curiosity and grace.

Key Points: Principle 1 advocates for asking for what you want instead of making people wrong, emphasizing that people are often not inherently bad but lack the necessary skills or emotional awareness. Principle 2 advises against immediate judgment and encourages getting curious to understand the situation better, noting that assuming good intent does not excuse bad behavior. Principle 3 instructs listeners not to take things personally, but instead to assume good intent, which helps in maintaining perspective during difficult interactions. The speaker shares an anecdote about an engineer who was promoted but received no training or support, illustrating how difficult people might be reacting to unaddressed needs. The speaker emphasizes the need to ask, 'What's my goal?' before engaging in difficult conversations, whether sending an email or making a call. Practice 2 centers on asking, 'How do I want this person to feel?' as the result of a conversation, shifting focus from blame to desired emotional outcome. Practice 3 involves asking, 'Do you want me to listen, share, or help solve?' to clarify the role you should take in supporting the other person.

Context: This TEDx talk by Dr. Jeff Kaplan, presented at TEDxWilmingtonSalon, focuses on practical communication strategies for navigating interactions with difficult people in professional and personal settings. Kaplan introduces a framework built around three core principles and three supporting practices designed to shift one's reactive approach to a more empathetic and effective response.