You’re Being Lied To. Here’s What to Do

Quick Overview

To effectively deal with liars in a negotiation, one must avoid direct confrontation and instead use tactical empathy combined with three specific tools: Calibrated Questions, No-Oriented Questions, and the That's Right Summary, all designed to expose the underlying fear driving the deception rather than attacking the lie itself.

Key Points: The primary driver for lying in negotiation is fear, specifically the fear of loss, looking weak, or saying 'no,' not inherent evil. Tool 1: Calibrated Questions (starting with 'How' or 'What') force the liar to think through the consequences of their lie, such as asking, 'How am I supposed to make that work if that number is not accurate?' Tool 2: No-Oriented Questions give the liar a safe way out to avoid commitment, which relaxes them and allows the truth to surface, exemplified by asking, 'Would it be ridiculous to say that there's more to the story?' Tool 3: The 'That's Right Summary' involves summarizing what you know about their situation when dishonesty is sensed, and waiting for them to confirm with 'That's right' to gain buy-in. After delivering a 'That's Right Summary,' maintain a strict 6-second pause without asking any questions to encourage them to add more information. The goal is not to fight the lie directly, but to drain the fear fueling it, as the person across the table is rarely the problem; the fear is. The speaker references Chris Voss's book, 'Never Split the Difference,' visible on the bookshelf.

Context: The speaker provides tactical advice on handling dishonesty during negotiations, framing the issue not as confronting 'evil' but addressing the underlying fear that motivates the deception. This approach, rooted in techniques like tactical empathy, aims to make the deceptive party feel safe enough to reveal the truth rather than doubling down on their falsehoods. Key negotiation concepts and tools are presented as a structured three-part method for uncovering the true situation.

Detailed Analysis