# You’re Being Lied To. Here’s What to Do Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIJ3or-vA4o Recap page: https://rapidrecap.app/video/AIJ3or-vA4o Generated: 2026-01-19T08:06:43.051+00:00 --- ## Quick Overview To effectively deal with liars in a negotiation, one must avoid direct confrontation and instead use tactical empathy combined with three specific tools: Calibrated Questions, No-Oriented Questions, and the That's Right Summary, all designed to expose the underlying fear driving the deception rather than attacking the lie itself. **Key Points:** - The primary driver for lying in negotiation is fear, specifically the fear of loss, looking weak, or saying 'no,' not inherent evil. - Tool 1: Calibrated Questions (starting with 'How' or 'What') force the liar to think through the consequences of their lie, such as asking, 'How am I supposed to make that work if that number is not accurate?' - Tool 2: No-Oriented Questions give the liar a safe way out to avoid commitment, which relaxes them and allows the truth to surface, exemplified by asking, 'Would it be ridiculous to say that there's more to the story?' - Tool 3: The 'That's Right Summary' involves summarizing what you know about their situation when dishonesty is sensed, and waiting for them to confirm with 'That's right' to gain buy-in. - After delivering a 'That's Right Summary,' maintain a strict 6-second pause without asking any questions to encourage them to add more information. - The goal is not to fight the lie directly, but to drain the fear fueling it, as the person across the table is rarely the problem; the fear is. - The speaker references Chris Voss's book, 'Never Split the Difference,' visible on the bookshelf. ![Screenshot at 00:00: The speaker introduces the video topic 'HOW TO DEAL WITH LIARS IN A NEGOTIATION' while seated in front of a bookshelf displaying various books and artifacts.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/AIJ3or-vA4o/00-00-00.jpg) **Context:** The speaker provides tactical advice on handling dishonesty during negotiations, framing the issue not as confronting 'evil' but addressing the underlying fear that motivates the deception. This approach, rooted in techniques like tactical empathy, aims to make the deceptive party feel safe enough to reveal the truth rather than doubling down on their falsehoods. Key negotiation concepts and tools are presented as a structured three-part method for uncovering the true situation. ## Detailed Analysis The video outlines three primary tools for dealing with liars in negotiations, emphasizing that the primary motivation for lying is fear (fear of loss, weakness, or saying no), not malice. The first tool is **Calibrated Questions** (starting with 'How' or 'What'), such as asking, 'How am I supposed to make that work if that number is not accurate?' This forces the liar to think through the consequences of their deception and reveals cracks in their story. The second tool is **No-Oriented Questions**, which provide the liar with a safe exit from commitment (e.g., 'Would it be ridiculous to say that there's more to the story?'). This technique relaxes the liar, allowing the underlying truth to emerge. The third tool is the **'That's Right Summary,'** where, upon sensing dishonesty, the negotiator summarizes what they know about the other party's situation. Once the other party confirms the summary with 'That's right,' buy-in is achieved. Crucially, after this summary, the speaker advises pausing for a full six seconds without asking any follow-up questions, and then pausing another six seconds after any 'That's right' response to see if they voluntarily add more information. The overall strategy is to drain the fear fueling the lie rather than directly confronting the lie itself. ### Introduction - Dealing with Lies: The primary driver for lies is fear of loss, weakness, or saying no, not evil; the enemy is the fear itself. ### Tool 1 - Calibrated Questions: Use 'How' or 'What' questions (e.g., 'How am I supposed to make that work if that number is not accurate?') to force liars to think through consequences and reveal story cracks. ### Tool 2 - No-Oriented Questions: Liars fear commitment; give them a safe way out with 'No' questions (e.g., 'Is it a bad idea to walk me through what's really behind that number?') to relax them and surface truth. ### Tool 3 - That's Right Summary: When dishonesty is sensed, summarize what you know about their situation; gain buy-in when they respond with 'That's right.' ### Implementation of Summary - After the summary, give a strict 6-second pause without questions, and then another 6-second pause after their 'That's right' to see if they volunteer more information. ![Screenshot at 00:00: The video title slide establishing the subject: 'HOW TO DEAL WITH LIARS IN A NEGOTIATION.'](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/AIJ3or-vA4o/00-00-00.jpg) ![Screenshot at 00:15: The speaker mentions the tactical approach of exposing lies, visible behind him is Chris Voss's book 'Never Split the Difference.'](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/AIJ3or-vA4o/00-00-15.jpg) ![Screenshot at 02:36: The first tool for countering deception is introduced: '1. CALIBRATED QUESTIONS,' with an example question displayed.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/AIJ3or-vA4o/00-02-36.jpg) ![Screenshot at 03:06: The second tool is introduced: '2. NO-ORIENTED QUESTIONS,' noting that 'LIARS FEAR COMMITMENT GIVE THEM A SAFE WAY OUT.'](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/AIJ3or-vA4o/00-03-06.jpg) ![Screenshot at 03:24: The third tool is introduced: '3. THAT'S RIGHT SUMMARY,' detailing its use when dishonesty is felt.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/AIJ3or-vA4o/00-03-24.jpg)