Shame, Guilt and Addiction-Nessa

Quick Overview

Nessa describes her traumatic childhood where her mother, a single parent and cocaine addict, would lock her in the garage, feed her drugs, and later got arrested in Florida, leading to Nessa's children being taken away by Child Protective Services (CPS) before she could get clean.

Key Points: Nessa grew up in Naples, Florida, with a single mother who was a cocaine addict. Her mother would lock her in the garage and feed her crack cocaine all day, leading to Nessa feeling controlled and unsafe. Nessa started drinking at age 10, got kicked out of school in the 7th grade for drinking on school property, and began using drugs like crack and heroin around age 18. After Nessa became pregnant with her daughter at age 21, she realized her baby's father, who sold crack in Florida, was abusive and eventually arrested for drug conspiracy. Nessa's son was born a month premature due to her drug use, and CPS took both her children away when she was using heavily. She notes that life on Skid Row, Los Angeles, is different and harder than in her hometown, as drug access is less open, but she still struggles to live a normal life. The most important lesson Nessa learned is to listen to her gut intuition and not try to please everyone else, as her stepfather was abusive despite appearing like a real father.

Context: This video is an interview segment featuring Nessa, a resident of Skid Row, Los Angeles, discussing her difficult childhood, struggles with addiction (cocaine and heroin), and the resulting trauma that affected her ability to parent her own children. The interview reveals the cyclical nature of hardship, as she describes her mother's addiction and abuse, and the subsequent intervention by CPS when her own children were at risk.

Detailed Analysis

Nessa recounts a traumatic childhood stemming from her mother's drug addiction. Raised in Naples, Florida, she was often locked in a garage and fed crack cocaine all day by her mother, who was a single parent after her father died from a heart attack. Nessa began drinking at age 10, was kicked out of Catholic school in the 7th grade for drinking on school property, and started using drugs like crack and heroin by age 18. Her stepfather was abusive, and she notes that she only realized how bad the situation was years later. When she became pregnant with her daughter at 21, she tried to hide her drug use from her boyfriend, who was heavily involved in selling crack and prostitution, but he was eventually arrested for conspiracy to traffic drugs and sent back to Florida. Shortly after her son was born a month premature, CPS removed both children because of her drug use, even though her tests came back negative at the hospital. Nessa reflects that her life on Skid Row in LA is different from her Florida hometown, where drugs were more accessible. She states that she never wanted to be self-destructive and always tried to take care of her children despite her addiction, but she recognizes the cycle of trauma continues. The most important lesson she learned is to trust her intuition and stop trying to please others, realizing that her stepfather, whom she believed was her real father, was abusive.