The Underrated Power of Oversharing | Leslie John

Quick Overview

Self-disclosure is intrinsically rewarding, activating the brain's pleasure centers similarly to sex, and going one level deeper than expected in communication builds trust, contrary to the common fear that oversharing leads to negative outcomes.

Key Points: Self-disclosure activates the pleasure centers of the brain, showing it is intrinsically rewarding, with activation levels comparable to those experienced during sex. People prefer a suitor who admits to having had many STDs over one who refuses to answer the question, and 89% prefer hiring an applicant who admitted to bad grades over one who opted out of answering. Holding back or hiding information leads to distrust and contempt from others; the person who doesn't reveal is distrusted relative to the revealer. The risks of revealing are often overestimated due to impact bias, while the costs of keeping quiet, such as rumination, mental load, and even temporary IQ decreases, are ignored. Transforming swirling thoughts and feelings into language, either by writing or speaking, engages the prefrontal cortex, imposing structure and logic that reduces anxiety caused by uncertainty. The guideline for better communication is to 'go one level deeper than you might think you should,' moving from commenting on events to commenting on the meaning of those events to you. When revealing sensitive information, validation, exemplified by the phrase 'that sucks,' is the most soothing response listeners can offer, even more so than bright siding or perspective-taking.

Context: The interview features Dan Harris speaking with researcher Leslie John about the underrated power of self-disclosure, often mislabeled as oversharing. Leslie John's research journey began with studying online oversharing mistakes but evolved due to a personal disconnect where she experienced the joy of disclosure while professionally cautioning against it, leading her to investigate the significant upsides of revealing personal information.

Detailed Analysis