# Things I Wish I Knew Before I Started My Company!

Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c78a2wNsY-Q
Recap page: https://rapidrecap.app/video/c78a2wNsY-Q
Generated: 2025-11-10T20:01:35.492+00:00

---
## Quick Overview

Chris Voss outlines essential lessons he wishes he knew before launching The Black Swan Group, focusing on overcoming ego, understanding team dynamics in negotiations, and mastering tactical empathy as a set of repeatable actions rather than a soft philosophy.

**Key Points:**
- Ego is the primary deal killer in business, differentiating it from high-stakes FBI negotiations where tactical empathy is crucial.
- Protect the relationship over your own image; people quit jobs because of ego-driven bosses, not the jobs themselves.
- There is always a team on the other side; the person you talk to is rarely the sole decision-maker, deal killer, or implementer.
- Half of failed deals end up in the 'agreement graveyard' due to a 'hidden deal killer' who was never in the room.
- Tactical empathy is not soft philosophy but a set of deliberate, repeatable actions focused on getting inside the other person's perspective.
- The fastest way to build trust-based influence is through tactical empathy, which yields great information when executed correctly.
- The single biggest driver of human decision-making is the fear of loss, not the desire for gain.

![Screenshot at 0:04: Chris Voss introduces the topic, titled 'THINGS I WISH I KNEW BEFORE STARTING THE BLACK SWAN GROUP,' setting the stage for sharing retrospective business lessons.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/c78a2wNsY-Q/00-00-04.png)

**Context:** Chris Voss, known for his background as a former FBI hostage negotiator and author of 'Never Split the Difference,' reflects on the critical insights he gained after starting his company, The Black Swan Group. The video serves as a retrospective list of 'Things I Wish I Knew' about leading a business, emphasizing the shift in mindset required when moving from high-stakes, one-on-one negotiations to the complexities of business leadership and team interactions.

## Detailed Analysis

Chris Voss details several crucial lessons learned after founding The Black Swan Group, contrasting his previous FBI negotiation experience with the demands of entrepreneurship. The primary realization is that 'Ego is a deal killer' (1:17), stressing that leading a business requires a different approach than winning high-stakes FBI negotiations; leaders must prioritize protecting the relationship over protecting their own image, as employees often leave due to ego-driven bosses. Secondly, Voss emphasizes that 'There's always a team on the other side' (2:16); negotiators must recognize that the contact person is seldom the only decision-maker, leading to half of all failed deals being killed by unseen parties in the 'agreement graveyard' (2:29). He corrects his earlier understanding of tactical empathy, stating it is not a soft philosophy but a set of repeatable actions designed to get inside the other person's perspective (1:42, 2:21), noting that this is the fastest way to build trust-based influence and gain critical information (1:54). The core driver of human decision-making, Voss notes, is the fear of loss rather than the pursuit of gain (2:52). He advises his younger self to stop leading with benefits and start clearing fears first, and to calibrate questions to understand the other side's thinking rather than trying to prove one's own intelligence (3:05, 4:34).

### Key Business Lessons

- Ego is a deal killer
- Always assume a team exists on the other side of a negotiation
- Fear of loss drives decisions more than desire for gain

### Ego vs. Relationship

- Protect the relationship instead of your own image
- People quit bosses with ego, not jobs
- Leading a business differs from winning high-stakes FBI negotiations

### Tactical Empathy Defined

- It is the ability to deliberately get inside the other person's perspective
- It is a set of repeatable actions, not a soft philosophy
- It builds trust-based influence and yields great information

### Negotiation Strategy

- Stop leading with benefits and start clearing fears first
- Call out the elephant in the room before it tramples the agreement
- Calibrate questions to understand the other side's thinking

![Screenshot at 0:01: Title card appears: 'THINGS I WISH I KNEW BEFORE STARTING THE BLACK SWAN GROUP' by Chris Voss.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/c78a2wNsY-Q/00-00-01.png)
![Screenshot at 0:17: Text overlay introduces the first lesson: '1. EGO IS A DEAL KILLER'.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/c78a2wNsY-Q/00-00-17.png)
![Screenshot at 0:36: Voss explains the difference between FBI negotiation and business, stating that ego-driven behavior is inadequate.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/c78a2wNsY-Q/00-00-36.png)
![Screenshot at 1:17: The first key lesson is displayed: '1. EGO IS A DEAL KILLER', followed by supporting text.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/c78a2wNsY-Q/00-01-17.png)
![Screenshot at 1:28: Text expands on the first point, noting that people quit bosses with ego.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/c78a2wNsY-Q/00-01-28.png)
![Screenshot at 2:16: Text overlay introduces the second lesson: '2. THERE'S ALWAYS A TEAM ON THE OTHER SIDE'.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/c78a2wNsY-Q/00-02-16.png)
![Screenshot at 2:29: A bullet point appears detailing that half of failed deals are due to a 'hidden deal killer' not present in the meeting.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/c78a2wNsY-Q/00-02-29.png)
![Screenshot at 3:18: Voss emphasizes that the last impression is the lasting impression, applicable to sales pitches or team conversations.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/c78a2wNsY-Q/00-03-18.png)
![Screenshot at 3:53: Voss advises his past self to 'Shut up sooner' and 'Listen longer' during interactions.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/c78a2wNsY-Q/00-03-53.png)
![Screenshot at 4:59: Voss concludes by stressing that success in business and deals comes from focusing on making the other side feel understood, not proving one's own intelligence.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/c78a2wNsY-Q/00-04-59.png)