# The myth of success | Khairani Ashry | TEDxUniversiti Brunei Darussalam

Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VxbTHppMmU
Recap page: https://rapidrecap.app/video/_VxbTHppMmU
Generated: 2025-12-11T17:14:50.279+00:00

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## Quick Overview

Khairani Ashry argues that success is not a singular, glamorous outcome but rather a collective effort rooted in three core values inherited from tradition: Stability, Integrity, and Silaturahim (connection), which must be actively maintained even when pursuing modern ambitions.

**Key Points:**
- Success is defined not by external glamour (like Bill Gates) but by internal values like Stability, Integrity, and Silaturahim, which are passed down through generations.
- The speaker started her entrepreneurial venture (an ethical shopping/resale business) at age 16 after finishing her O-Levels, driven by values instilled during her upbringing.
- Integrity is defined as character, meaning one's actions must align with their words, especially when no one is watching, and should not be tied to job titles.
- Stability, in the Bruneian context, means maintaining these inherited values within the family structure and career paths, even when seeking modern, innovative opportunities.
- Silaturahim, meaning connection, is crucial for sustaining success, emphasizing relationships over mere transactions.
- The presentation uses the iceberg analogy to show that visible success is just the tip, while the bulk of the work (the submerged part) is maintaining these core values.

![Screenshot at 00:03: Title slide for Khairani Ashry's talk, "Breaking Barriers: The Myth of Success," setting the stage for a discussion about redefining achievement.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/_VxbTHppMmU/00-00-03.png)

**Context:** This TEDx talk, titled "Breaking Barriers: The Myth of Success" by Khairani Ashry at Universiti Brunei Darussalam, challenges conventional, often Westernized, notions of success. Ashry argues that true, sustainable success is built upon deep-seated cultural and familial values inherited from tradition, rather than solely focusing on external achievements or wealth accumulation.

## Detailed Analysis

Khairani Ashry begins by questioning the public perception of success, noting that people often associate it with figures like Bill Gates or the person sitting next to them, or simply a high job title. She asserts that success, in its truest form, is not purely personal but collective, rooted in the values passed down through her upbringing, which she summarizes as Stability, Integrity, and Silaturahim (connection). She recounts starting her first venture, an ethical shopping/resale business, at age 16 after her O-Levels, realizing that success is not just about the visible outcomes but the unseen foundation. She emphasizes that Integrity equals Character—one's actions must match their words, irrespective of external observation or professional title. Stability, particularly in the Bruneian context, involves anchoring oneself in these traditional values while navigating modern, innovative career paths, ensuring that one's career aligns with core beliefs. Finally, she stresses that Silaturahim, or connection, is vital; relationships must be nurtured beyond transactional exchanges. She concludes by quoting Howard Thurman: "Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive," suggesting that living authentically according to one's values is the ultimate form of success.

### Introduction

- The Myth of Success: Success is often glamorized and associated with external figures (Bill Gates) or job titles
- People often fail to see the sacrifices and the underlying values supporting visible success.

### Core Values from Tradition

- Ashry identifies three inherited values: Stability, Integrity, and Silaturahim (connection)
- These values are central to her definition of success, especially in the Bruneian context.

### Integrity Defined

- Integrity equals Character
- It means aligning one's actions with their words, even when unobserved, and should not be limited to a job title.

### The Iceberg Analogy

- Visible success is merely the tip of the iceberg
- The submerged part represents the constant effort required to uphold personal values (Stability and Integrity) amidst modern ambitions and challenges.

### Silaturahim and Networking

- Success requires nurturing relationships (Silaturahim) over mere transactions
- The speaker shows a photo of a diverse networking group, illustrating the importance of connection.

### Conclusion and Final Lesson

- The ultimate lesson is to pursue what makes you come alive, as the world needs people who are truly alive, living by their values even when facing hardships.

![Screenshot at 00:04: Title slide showing Khairani Ashry and the talk title, "Breaking Barriers: The Myth of Success."](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/_VxbTHppMmU/00-00-04.png)
![Screenshot at 02:06: Slide listing the three core inherited values: STABILITY, INTEGRITY, SILATURAHIM.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/_VxbTHppMmU/00-02-06.png)
![Screenshot at 04:08: Visual representation of consumerism/shopping, contrasting with the speaker's message about ethical business and values.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/_VxbTHppMmU/00-04-08.png)
![Screenshot at 06:57: Slide displaying the equation: INTEGRITY = CHARACTER, emphasizing the link between personal morality and professional success.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/_VxbTHppMmU/00-06-57.png)
![Screenshot at 10:37: A key quote from Howard Thurman displayed on screen: "Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/_VxbTHppMmU/00-10-37.png)