# Practicing trauma-informed parenting | Robyn Koslowitz, PhD | TEDxUnion Women Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZF09vjKqCyo Recap page: https://rapidrecap.app/video/ZF09vjKqCyo Generated: 2025-12-09T17:14:44.05+00:00 --- ## Quick Overview Robyn Koslowitz, PhD, shares that overcoming trauma responses, like panic attacks and emotional dysregulation stemming from childhood trauma, requires actively reprogramming the brain's default threat detection system (the Amygdala and the Default Mode Network) by consciously choosing to be present and setting boundaries, rather than letting the trauma 'app' run automatically. **Key Points:** - The speaker experienced panic attacks and intrusive thoughts following the death of her father when she was ten, leading to a long-term struggle with undiagnosed PTSD. - Trauma is defined not as a scar, but as software (the Default Mode Network or DMN) that runs automatically, causing the brain's threat response center (the Amygdala) to activate inappropriately. - When the DMN is activated by a trigger, it overrides the prefrontal cortex, leading to feelings of unsafety, panic, and an inability to think logically or act according to one's values. - The speaker advocates for actively 'reclaiming' psychological resources from the trauma app by consciously choosing to stay present, breathe, and set boundaries, rather than giving in to the trauma response. - Children of parents who are people-pleasers or who have functional alcoholism often learn to say 'yes' when they mean 'no' to keep everyone calm, which mirrors trauma responses. - The solution involves consciously reprogramming the DMN by practicing saying 'no' and setting boundaries, even when it feels uncomfortable or triggers guilt, allowing the prefrontal cortex to regain control. ![Screenshot at 00:03: A highly stylized visual of a woman whose face is obscured by shattered, crystalline shards, representing the fractured sense of self or perception often associated with trauma and the need for clarity or healing.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/ZF09vjKqCyo/00-00-03.png) **Context:** The presentation is from a TEDxUnion Women event featuring speakers focused on themes of Healing, Identity, and Innovation. Robyn Koslowitz, PhD, shares a deeply personal story about navigating life with undiagnosed Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) that began after a significant childhood event (her father's death at age 10). She explains the neurological basis of trauma responses, contrasting the reactive Amygdala activation with the rational Prefrontal Cortex, and offers a practical, self-directed method for regaining control over these automatic threat responses. ## Detailed Analysis Robyn Koslowitz, PhD, discusses her personal journey with PTSD following her father's death when she was ten, detailing how the accompanying panic attacks and intrusive thoughts persisted for years. She reframes trauma not as a scar but as faulty 'software' running in the brain, specifically involving the Default Mode Network (DMN) and the Amygdala, which keeps the body in a constant state of fight-or-flight, preventing logical thought and value-based action. She illustrates this with examples like the fear of saying 'no' to her boss or her children, even when it conflicts with her own needs. The core message is that individuals can actively reprogram this trauma app. By consciously choosing to stay present, breathe, and enforce boundaries (the 'if/then rules'), one can counteract the DMN's automatic activation. She cites research showing that when the Amygdala signals danger, the Prefrontal Cortex, responsible for logic and values, cannot function effectively. The speaker emphasizes that this reprogramming allows individuals to move past simply surviving the trauma and begin to truly heal, enabling them to set appropriate boundaries for themselves and their children. ### The Origin of Trauma Response - Son asked question speaker will never forget when he was 10 - Speaker performed CPR on her dying father - Speaker developed PTSD and panic attacks after this event ### Understanding Trauma as Software - Trauma is not a scar, but software running in the brain - The DMN (Default Mode Network) and Amygdala are responsible for threat response, overriding the rational PCC (Posterior Cingulate Cortex) ### The Impact of Trauma - Triggers cause the DMN to activate, leading to hyper-vigilance, inability to concentrate on work/research, and feeling small or incompetent ### The Role of Parenting Trauma - Children of people-pleasing or alcoholic parents are taught to say 'yes' to keep the peace, mirroring trauma responses - This leads to an inability to say 'no' even when necessary ### The Solution - Reclaiming Resources: The speaker advocates for consciously reclaiming resources from the trauma app by setting 'If/Then' rules - For example, 'If my child triggers me, I will do something else instead of yelling' or 'If my boss asks me to stay late, I will say no.' ### The Goal - Healing and Boundaries: By practicing saying 'no' and setting boundaries, we help our children (and inner child) learn to be safe and allow the PCC to regain control, leading to healing. ![Screenshot at 00:03: Visual representation of a fractured self, with shards of glass obscuring the speaker's face, symbolizing the impact of trauma on perception.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/ZF09vjKqCyo/00-00-03.png) ![Screenshot at 00:07: The speaker on stage with the TEDx Union Women slide displaying the featured speakers under the themes: Healing, Identity, Innovation.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/ZF09vjKqCyo/00-00-07.png) ![Screenshot at 00:25: Speaker clenching her fists while describing the feeling of her worst fear coming true, illustrating the physical manifestation of anxiety/PTSD.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/ZF09vjKqCyo/00-00-25.png) ![Screenshot at 01:15: Speaker questioning why she is not better yet despite time passing since the trauma, emphasizing the ongoing struggle.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/ZF09vjKqCyo/00-01-15.png) ![Screenshot at 04:48: Speaker using hand gestures to describe the brain's internal conflict between the reactive Amygdala and the rational Prefrontal Cortex.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/ZF09vjKqCyo/00-04-48.png)