The Mindset of a Fentanyl Addict-Samantha

Quick Overview

Samantha, a 34-year-old fentanyl addict living on Skid Row, Los Angeles, discusses the pervasive nature of addiction, stating that it always follows you, and explains that her greatest strength is thinking about the different angles of her addiction and realizing that using drugs is never the only option, despite the constant temptation.

Key Points: Samantha, 34, currently lives on Skid Row in Los Angeles, having previously lived in Alaska, Tennessee, and California. She began using drugs around age 25, starting with crystal, then heroin, and eventually fentanyl, noting that fentanyl is cheaper than items like milk. Her early struggles included anxiety in high school leading to trichotillomania (pulling hair out), which she still struggles with. Samantha states that addiction never truly goes away; you are always going to be an addict, even if you try to get clean. She mentions that her father was an alcoholic, and her mother and sisters do not talk to her due to her addiction. Her greatest strength is thinking critically about her addiction—recognizing the cause and effect of using drugs and realizing there are always other options besides using, such as doing things she is proud of. She currently makes money through assortments of boosting, prostitution, and occasionally stealing.

Context: This video is an interview segment from Mark Laita's 'Soft White Underbelly' project, focusing on the mindset of Samantha, a 34-year-old fentanyl addict residing on Skid Row in Los Angeles. The interview explores her background, which includes growing up in Alaska and moving through various states, the progression of her drug use from crystal to fentanyl, and the ongoing psychological battle against addiction. Samantha also touches upon her family relationships and how she currently supports herself.

Detailed Analysis

Samantha reveals that she grew up in Alaska, moving around to Tennessee and California before ending up on Skid Row in Los Angeles. Her substance use began around age 25, starting with crystal, progressing to heroin, and eventually settling on fentanyl because it is cheap—she notes milk costs more per gallon than fentanyl. She attributes some of her issues to childhood anxiety leading to trichotillomania, a condition she still struggles with by pulling her hair out, and she acknowledges that her parents and sisters no longer speak to her because of her addiction. She currently supports herself through various means including boosting, prostitution, and occasional theft. Samantha believes that addiction is a permanent state; once you start, you are always an addict, and the craving is always in your head. However, she identifies her greatest strength as her ability to think critically about her choices—considering the cause and effect of drug use and recognizing that there are always other options available, such as focusing on things she can be proud of, like her recovery efforts or her self-acceptance. She notes that fentanyl is particularly dangerous because people run from the idea of it, contrasting it with heroin, which she used to use in smaller amounts. Despite the difficulties of living on Skid Row and the stigma she faces, she maintains a degree of self-awareness and expresses pride in who she is now.