# Ten Suic*de Attempts and Still Standing-Tommy Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQgAPhbjCng Recap page: https://rapidrecap.app/video/QQgAPhbjCng Generated: 2026-01-01T11:37:06.771+00:00 --- ## Quick Overview Tommy survived over ten suicide attempts, culminating in a failed attempt using a helium tank in a Red Robin parking lot, which ultimately served as a catalyst for his recovery after a friend challenged him to try one sober day without opiates. **Key Points:** - Tommy experienced his first depression around age 12 or 13, years before being diagnosed with bipolar disorder later in life. - He began heavily using substances in high school to cope, prioritizing Xanax for anxiety relief, stating, "I want to feel like this every day." - In 2022, Tommy attempted suicide over ten times, including three consecutive days, which he attributes to the loss of his girlfriend, his dog Coco, social isolation, and his mother moving away. - His third attempt involved using a helium tank in a secluded Red Robin parking lot after texting his ex-girlfriend and sending her his checking account funds, but he was found by a police officer who happened to be his childhood friend's father. - Tommy escaped being taken to the psych ward by paying an Uber driver to change his destination, realizing the psych ward is like "what the psych ward is to mental health patients is what prison is to criminals." - His recovery began when his friend Eric challenged him to try going "one day sober" without opiates, which, despite his initial refusal, led to him successfully completing one sober day, the first in over a year. - Tommy emphasizes that the most important lesson learned is to "just live in the present" and not obsess over the future or dwell on the past. **Context:** The transcript features an interview with a man named Tommy who shares his deeply personal and traumatic history, beginning with a seemingly perfect childhood in North Jersey until his parents split around age 10 or 11, compounded by early childhood sexual trauma. This period of change led to increased isolation, forcing him to become hyper-independent, developing practical skills like flipping vintage clothing for money by age 13, but also fostering social awkwardness and an early onset of depression. ## Detailed Analysis Tommy recounts his descent into severe mental illness and substance abuse, starting with depression at 12/13, leading to daily marijuana use in high school and a strong addiction to Xanax, which made him feel like the confident person he wanted to be. This drug dependency worsened in college, where he relied heavily on weed and a supportive girlfriend; however, after their breakup, 2022 became his worst year, marked by over ten suicide attempts, largely driven by grief over his dog Coco's death, a toxic relationship, and the isolation resulting from friends moving on and his mother relocating. He details three consecutive attempts that weekend, the last involving mixing opiates and benzodiazepines with alcohol, and subsequently using a helium tank in a secluded parking lot, where he felt unexpectedly calm before being discovered by a police officer who was the father of a childhood friend. After an unexpected conversation with the officer shifted his focus, Tommy manipulated his Uber transport to avoid the psych ward, which he views as akin to prison. His turning point came when his best friend Eric challenged him to try just one day sober from opiates; although Tommy initially resisted, he succeeded that day, proving his capability and starting a gradual process of reducing drug use until he achieved nearly a year clean from opiates at the time of the interview. ### Early Life and Trauma - Childhood started 'picture perfect' until parents split around age 10/11 - Experienced childhood sexual trauma - Began experiencing depression around age 12/13 - Developed hyper-independence due to loneliness, learning practical skills like flipping vintage clothing by 13 ### Substance Use Progression - Started using weed to escape depression in high school by age 15 - Became addicted to Xanax because it eliminated crippling anxiety and made him feel 'like a normal functioning human being' - Continued daily weed use until age 26, dabbling in opiates and other drugs to escape problems ### The Crisis Year (2022) - Experienced the 'worst year' after breaking up with his supportive college girlfriend and losing his dog, Coco - Attempted suicide over ten times, including three days in a row, primarily through overdosing on mixed pills (opiates and benzodiazepines) ### The Final Attempt and Discovery - Purchased a helium tank to attempt suicide in a secluded Red Robin parking lot - Sent cryptic message and all checking account money to his ex-girlfriend before passing out - Woke up to a police officer who was the father of a childhood friend, leading to a deep conversation that temporarily shifted his mindset ### Hospital Evasion and Turning Point - Escaped transfer to the psych ward by paying his Uber driver to change the destination - Returned home and immediately sought drugs but found only a singular ounce of codeine ### Path to Recovery - Friend Eric challenged him to try 'one day sober' from opiates, which Tommy initially found impossible - Successfully navigated one full sober day using weed as permitted by Eric, proving capability - Gradually increased sober days, eventually cutting out opiates completely and nearing one year clean from them