Did Evolutionary Psychology Get Dating All Wrong? - Dr Paul Eastwick

Quick Overview

Dr. Paul Eastwick argues that evolutionary psychology overestimates key features of human mating, such as mate value hierarchies, gender differences, and the short-term versus long-term distinction, advocating instead for a relationship science view centered on attachment, compatibility, and relationships formed through small networks rather than competitive 'mating markets.'

Key Points: The classic evolutionary psychology script overestimates mate value emphasis, gender differences, and the short-term versus long-term mating distinction, according to relationship science scholar Dr. Paul Eastwick. The 'mating market' concept accurately describes initial attraction among strangers, where consensus on desirability is high (e.g., 70-75% agreement on 'hot or not'), but this agreement fades over time as idiosyncrasies and compatibility become apparent (dropping to around 53% among long-term acquaintances). Mismatched couples (e.g., an 8 paired with a 5 in attractiveness) show no indication of breaking up sooner or being more miserable than matched couples (7 paired with 7), provided motivated biases sustain the relationship. Stated preferences often differ from revealed preferences; for example, while men state they care more about attractiveness, speed dating data showed ambition acted as a mild aphrodisiac for both genders, with no significant gender difference in liking ambitious women. The modern dating environment, particularly online dating, exacerbates perceived inequality because it relies heavily on immediate, consensus-driven screening criteria, preventing the development of compatibility that requires repeated exposure. Dr. Eastwick suggests that success in ancestral mating involved forming interdependent relationships effective for raising costly offspring, emphasizing male parental investment and selection for men who were less aggressive and good caregivers, evidenced by reduced sexual dimorphism. People underestimate the importance of vulnerability and disclosure; the first time someone shares something deeply personal acts as an aphrodisiac because it signals trust and feeling chosen.