“If everyone did this, I’d be out of a job” - Divorce Lawyer

Quick Overview

The divorce lawyer argues that if men strictly adhered to an old-school code of conduct—being the provider, protector, and avoiding casual sex—he would be out of a job because women would stop setting low standards for sex and divorce filings, which he believes are often fueled by men's perceived failure to meet these outdated expectations.

Key Points: The lawyer suggests that if men adhered to an old-school code (provider, protector, avoiding casual sex), he would be out of a job. He claims that women currently set low standards for sex (like expecting men to be bad boys) and that this dynamic drives divorce filings. The lawyer asserts that men are currently expected to have a 'code' regarding providing, protecting, and being serious, which conflicts with modern dating/Hookup culture. He references an article about 30 questions designed to make two people fall in love, which he finds less effective than genuine self-improvement. The lawyer argues that men are often expected to be the provider/protector and adhere to a code, leading to unhappiness when women don't meet corresponding standards. He notes that many men aspire to be like historical figures (Samurai, Long-Caribbean/Mohican figures) who had clear codes of conduct. The lawyer states he has facilitated the demise of thousands of unhappy marriages by seeing data on how men and women operate differently regarding sexual expectations and divorce.

Context: This video features a discussion between two men, one appearing to be a host (wearing a black hoodie) and the other a divorce lawyer (wearing a waistcoat and tie), discussing relationship dynamics, gender roles, and the expectations men face in modern dating and marriage. The lawyer is responding to a prompt about what men should do at the start of a relationship to set it up for success, contrasting traditional male roles with current dating culture.

Detailed Analysis

The divorce lawyer posits that the current state of dating and marriage creates an environment where he thrives because men are failing to meet outdated expectations, while women's standards for sexual engagement are perceived as low. He argues that if men strictly followed an old-school code—being the provider, protector, and avoiding casual sex—he would lose business because women would stop accepting less and divorce rates might drop. He specifically references the work of Roy Baumeister concerning sexual novelty and suggests that the modern culture often rewards flaky, inconsistent behavior in men, whereas historically, men who adhered to codes (like Samurai or Mohican archetypes) were respected. He asserts that men are expected to be serious, but women might prefer 'bad boys' who are only good for sex, leading to relationship failure. He believes that men are expected to be providers/protectors and that societal expectations (like wearing a suit to an interview but not the beach) create confusion about what is truly expected of men in relationships, ultimately leading to unhappiness and divorce when these unstated codes are broken.