# Best of the Worst: Star Slammer, Talos, and The Apple Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AV95LmBqFJU Recap page: https://rapidrecap.app/video/AV95LmBqFJU --- ## Quick Overview The "Best of the Worst" panel, featuring guest composer Bear McCreary, reviewed three truly awful films: "Star Slammer," a women's prison sci-fi film; "Talos," a martial arts epic plagued by technical issues; and "The Apple," a bizarre 1994 futuristic musical allegory. Each film suffered from significant production flaws, including incoherent plots, poor cinematography, distracting audio, and questionable creative choices, leading to a consensus that they were all profoundly bad cinematic experiences. **Key Points:** - "Star Slammer, The Escape" was criticized for its incoherent plot, heavy reliance on 60% recycled footage, and bizarre scenes like a harmonica musical number and an anti-climactic shirt change during a prison break. - The film's antagonist, Bantor, was ultimately defeated by a combination of a Jagger rat and a Gandalf Rabbi ghost, highlighting the movie's nonsensical ending. - "Talos" suffered from severe technical issues, including consistently out-of-focus cinematography, mismatched camera footage, and poor audio synchronization, making the martial arts epic nearly incomprehensible. - Director Eddie Thomas, despite his martial arts background, demonstrated a lack of filmmaking knowledge, utilizing inappropriate locations like a Renaissance Faire and failing to address basic post-production issues like ADR. - "The Apple," a 1994 futuristic musical, was described as a biblical allegory featuring a devil-like media mogul and strange visuals, including a pool scene where actors wore visible nipple pasties. - Composer Bear McCreary, the guest, politely stated he had a "good time" watching the films, reflecting the show's premise of finding entertainment in cinematic failures. **Context:** The video features composer Bear McCreary as a special guest on the "Best of the Worst" show, where the hosts and guest watch and critique notoriously bad films. McCreary, a self-proclaimed fan of B-movies, joined the panel to review three specific titles: "Star Slammer, The Escape," "Talos," and "The Apple." The discussion centers on the various production flaws, bizarre creative choices, and overall lack of quality that define these films. ## Detailed Analysis The "Best of the Worst" episode, featuring guest composer Bear McCreary, delved into three notoriously bad films: "Star Slammer, The Escape," "Talos," and "The Apple." "Star Slammer," a women's prison sci-fi film, was criticized for its incoherent plot, heavy reliance on stock footage (60% recycled), and bizarre, disconnected scenes like a harmonica musical number and an anti-climactic shirt change during a prison break. Its antagonist, Bantor, was ultimately defeated by a Jagger rat and a Gandalf Rabbi ghost. "Talos," a martial arts epic, was universally panned for its severe technical deficiencies, including consistently out-of-focus cinematography, mismatched camera footage, late dialogue, and poor ADR, despite the director Eddie Thomas's apparent effort to utilize interesting, if inappropriate, locations like a Renaissance Faire. The film's narrative was difficult to follow due to these issues, and a recent attempt by Thomas to crowdfund a sequel or remake failed. "The Apple," a 1994 futuristic musical, was described as a biblical allegory where a devil-like media mogul, Mr. Bugaloo, controls the music industry. The film featured lavish but strange visuals, a plot about naive musicians Alfie and BB falling prey to fame, and an infamous pool scene with visible nipple pasties. Bear McCreary, a self-professed fan of B-movies, politely stated he had a good time, reflecting the show's typical experience with such films. ### Guest Introduction - Composer Bear McCreary, known for motion pictures and television, joined the panel in Milwaukee during his tour, expressing his enjoyment of B-movies before diving into three "truly awful" selections. ### Star Slammer, The Escape - This sci-fi women's prison film, described as "visually stunning" on its box, featured Tower, an Amazon-like beauty, battling evil and escaping the prison ship Star Slammer - The film was criticized for its "fake sci-fi movie" aesthetic, reliance on a single set wall, extensive stock footage (60% recycled), and an 86-minute runtime filled with nonsensical scenes like a spontaneous harmonica performance and an anti-climactic shirt change during a jailbreak - Key characters included Tower, Bantor, and inmates named Mike and Squeaker, with the antagonist Bantor ultimately defeated by a Jagger rat and a Gandalf Rabbi ghost. ### Talos - This martial arts epic, starring grandmaster Eddie Thomas, was marketed with "beautiful scenery" and "incredible martial arts action" - The film suffered from severe technical flaws, including consistently out-of-focus shots, mismatched camera footage, late dialogue, and poor ADR, making the plot about King Talos's quest to regain his kingdom nearly incomprehensible - Despite the technical failures, the director made an effort to use diverse, albeit inappropriate, real-world locations like a Renaissance Faire and a Bethlehem town set; Eddie Thomas's 2022 attempt to crowdfund a sequel or remake of "Talos" was unsuccessful. ### The Apple - A legendary 1994 Canon Films musical, this film was presented as a biblical allegory set in a futuristic 1994 where music is controlled by the devil-like mogul Mr. Bugaloo - The plot follows naive musicians Alfie and BB as they navigate fame and temptation, with their "sappy love song" initially rejected but eventually winning over audiences - The movie was noted for its "lavish" production, "hip 1994" aesthetic, and bizarre elements, including a pool scene where actors wore visible nipple pasties. ### Overall Impressions and Technical Flaws - All three films were characterized by their profound awfulness, with "Star Slammer" embodying the "essence of schlock" due to its disjointed narrative and recycled content - "Talos" was particularly frustrating due to its consistent technical incompetence, especially the out-of-focus cinematography and audio issues, despite clear attempts at ambitious storytelling - The panel and guest Bear McCreary, while acknowledging the films' poor quality, found entertainment in their absurdity and production failures, with McCreary politely stating he had a "good time."