# How to loosen your grip when everything feels uncertain | Nicole Paquet | TEDxUNB

Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xOvy4l_weA
Recap page: https://rapidrecap.app/video/6xOvy4l_weA
Generated: 2026-02-13T20:35:16.098+00:00

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## Quick Overview

The speaker, Nicole Paquet, learned to cope with uncertainty, like the physical challenge of trekking in thin air or the emotional challenge of professional insecurity, by actively choosing to loosen her grip on control, speak the truth about her struggles, and invite support instead of trying to manage everything alone.

**Key Points:**
- Nicole Paquet's husband wished for her to go on a trek to Everest Base Camp, which involved a shaky flight into Lukla at an altitude equivalent to five CN Towers stacked above sea level.
- The physical challenge of the trek, including the thin air, led to headaches and the realization that her body was reacting to the stress, prompting her to stop gripping so tightly.
- Professionally, Paquet experienced a similar feeling of suffocating pressure when she started a new job and felt she had to be perfect, leading her to realize she was gripping control too tightly.
- A senior leader told her, "Frankly, Nicole, I don't trust you," which forced her to confront the reality that her attempts to control everything were making her an isolated risk to the team.
- The key lessons learned from both the mountain experience and professional challenges are three actionable steps: Loosen your grip, Speak the truth, and Invite support.
- Thriving through uncertainty involves recognizing when you are gripping too tightly and actively inviting support rather than trying to maintain control alone.

![Screenshot at 10:10: The speaker presents the core actionable advice on the screen: 'Loosen your grip. Speak the truth. Invite support.'](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/6xOvy4l_weA/00-10-10.jpg)

**Context:** This TEDx talk by Nicole Paquet explores the concept of handling uncertainty, drawing parallels between a physically demanding trek to Everest Base Camp and the psychological pressures faced in a new professional environment. The talk centers on the speaker's realization that trying to maintain absolute control ('gripping too tightly') is counterproductive when facing high-stakes or uncertain situations, whether dealing with altitude sickness or professional insecurity.

## Detailed Analysis

Nicole Paquet recounts her experience trekking towards Everest Base Camp, which began with a terrifying flight into Lukla, situated at an altitude equivalent to five CN Towers (approx. 2,860m). The physical strain, including headaches and thin air, made her grip on her trekking poles tighter, symbolizing her need for control. This physical struggle mirrored a psychological struggle she faced upon starting a new job where she felt immense pressure to be perfect and in control. This internal struggle was externalized when a senior leader bluntly told her, "Frankly, Nicole, I don't trust you," because her need to control everything made her an isolated risk to the team. This moment of stark honesty prompted her to realize that her body and mind were reacting to the lack of psychological safety, feeling like her chest was on fire due to the thin air of anxiety. The solution, she discovered, was not to fight reality or try harder to control, but to adopt three principles: Loosen your grip, Speak the truth, and Invite support. She explicitly states that the mountain taught her that when everything feels uncertain, attempting to maintain absolute control is detrimental; instead, one must allow for vulnerability and seek external help. She shares that when she finally spoke the truth about her feelings of inadequacy and fear to her husband and team leader, they offered the support she needed, allowing her to breathe again and find her footing.

### The Everest Trek

- Husband's wish for a trek to Everest Base Camp
- Shaky flight into Lukla (2860m)
- Physical effects like headaches and thin air making her grip tighter

### Professional Uncertainty

- Starting a new job and feeling immense pressure to be perfect
- Senior leader's confrontation: 'Frankly, Nicole, I don't trust you'
- Realization that her grip on control was making her an isolated risk

### The Rebuild Lessons

- Three key actions to thrive through uncertainty
- 1. Loosen your grip
- 2. Speak the truth
- 3. Invite support

### Application of Lessons

- Speaker told her husband how she felt about being embarrassed and slowing the team down
- The team responded positively, offering support instead of judgment
- She found her footing by embracing vulnerability and admitting she needed help

![Screenshot at 00:10: The speaker begins by introducing the theme of uncertainty using a slide showing a mountain path with the text: 'How to loosen your grip when everything feels uncertain.'](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/6xOvy4l_weA/00-00-10.jpg)
![Screenshot at 00:16: A slide illustrating the altitude challenge, showing the flight path from 'MY HOME TOWN \(0 m\)' to Lukla \(2860m\) and Everest Base Camp \(5364m\), highlighting the extreme thin air.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/6xOvy4l_weA/00-00-16.jpg)
![Screenshot at 01:14: A slide displaying the three core principles for handling uncertainty: 'Plan. Train. Pack.' \(referencing her preparation for the physical trek\).](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/6xOvy4l_weA/00-01-14.jpg)
![Screenshot at 09:35: A slide displaying the core questions for self-reflection: 'Where am I gripping? What's the truth? Who can I let in?'](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/6xOvy4l_weA/00-09-35.jpg)
![Screenshot at 11:51: A slide summarizing the overarching theme of recovery: 'The REBUILD: breath by breath.'](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/6xOvy4l_weA/00-11-51.jpg)