# What Fear Was Trying to Tell Me | Teh Zhao Xiang | TEDxAsia Pacific U

Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qvi551fXTo
Recap page: https://rapidrecap.app/video/6qvi551fXTo
Generated: 2025-11-11T16:13:19.598+00:00

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## Quick Overview

Teh Zhao Xiang recounts his experience overcoming intense fear of rejection, which stemmed from childhood experiences and manifested as debilitating anxiety before public speaking, by deliberately engaging in "Rejection Therapy," exemplified by asking a stranger to sing for him, ultimately teaching him that initial rejections are normal and that a strong purpose behind actions helps one stand firmly against fear.

**Key Points:**
- The speaker first experienced intense fear and anxiety related to public speaking after being forced to present by a teacher because a friend he invited failed to show up at age seven.
- His primary fear was the fear of standing up, speaking out, and being rejected by the public.
- He practiced 'Rejection Therapy' by intentionally seeking rejection, such as borrowing $100 from a stranger to buy burgers and then asking the waiter at a restaurant (a Malaysian Chinese) to sing a birthday song for free.
- After the first attempt, he realized that the fear wasn't about the action itself, but about how he approached it, leading him to change his strategy.
- The second challenge involved asking a woman wearing a hijab (a Malay woman) to take a picture with him holding a bucket lid, which she initially refused, but later agreed after he explained he was running an awareness campaign.
- The key lessons learned were that initial rejections are normal and that having a strong 'why' (purpose) behind actions allows one to stand firmly in the face of rejection.
- The speaker's overall message is to keep asking and not assume rejection before taking action, as this process leads to growth and acceptance.

![Screenshot at 00:05: Teh Zhao Xiang recounts joining a high-energy kids' boot camp at age seven, which serves as the initial catalyst for his fear of public speaking and rejection.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/6qvi551fXTo/00-00-05.png)

**Context:** This TEDx talk by Teh Zhao Xiang explores the speaker's personal journey of overcoming severe social anxiety and the fear of rejection, which he traces back to a childhood event during a school boot camp. He details his self-developed method, 'Rejection Therapy,' which involves actively seeking out small rejections in daily life to build resilience and change his internal perception of failure and judgment.

## Detailed Analysis

Teh Zhao Xiang shares his personal narrative about conquering a deep-seated fear of rejection that began when he was seven and was forced to speak at a school boot camp because his friend failed to join him. This led to crippling anxiety, shaking hands, and sweating before any presentation. To combat this, he adopted 'Rejection Therapy,' systematically seeking out small rejections. His first test involved asking friends to join him for a presentation contest, then going to the restroom to vomit from nerves before his turn. When he returned, his teacher forced the friend who didn't show up to present instead, placing the burden on her. His second attempt involved asking a stranger at a Chinese restaurant (Haidilao) to sing a birthday song for free, which she initially refused, making him realize his approach was flawed. He then tried asking a Malay woman wearing a hijab in a shopping mall to take a picture with him holding a bucket lid, which she also initially refused before agreeing after he explained his purpose. These experiences taught him that initial rejections are normal, and the critical factor is the 'why' behind the action, which allows one to stand firm against fear. He concludes by urging the audience to actively seek out small rejections to build immunity and find growth on the other side of fear.

### Childhood Catalyst

- Joining a kids' boot camp at age seven
- Friends joining him for a presentation contest
- Being forced to speak when his friend didn't show up

### The Fear Manifested

- Extreme physical symptoms like shaking and sweating before speaking
- Fear of standing up, speaking out, and being rejected by the public

### Rejection Therapy Attempt 1

- Borrowing $100 from a stranger for burgers
- Asking a waiter at Haidilao (Chinese restaurant) to sing a birthday song for free
- The waiter refusing initially, leading the speaker to realize his approach was wrong

### Rejection Therapy Attempt 2

- Asking a Malay woman wearing a hijab to take a picture with him holding a bucket lid
- The woman initially saying no, but agreeing after he explained his awareness campaign

### Key Lessons Learned

- Initial rejections are normal
- Having a strong purpose ('why') behind actions helps one stand firmly against rejection
- The importance of not assuming outcomes before asking

![Screenshot at 00:05: Teh Zhao Xiang introduces the context of his fear, stemming from a high-energy kids' boot camp experience at age seven.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/6qvi551fXTo/00-00-05.png)
![Screenshot at 00:19: The speaker tests the audience by asking them to guess which person in the childhood photo \(from the boot camp\) is him, pointing out he was wearing glasses since age seven.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/6qvi551fXTo/00-00-19.png)
![Screenshot at 00:46: The speaker vividly describes his extreme physical reaction to stage fright before his presentation: shaking hands and sweating all over.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/6qvi551fXTo/00-00-46.png)
![Screenshot at 01:36: A picture of two young children in school uniforms is displayed, representing the context of the speaker's childhood fear trigger.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/6qvi551fXTo/00-01-36.png)
![Screenshot at 02:53: The speaker defines his solution: 'Rejection Therapy,' which involves intentionally getting rejected daily to build resilience.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/6qvi551fXTo/00-02-53.png)
![Screenshot at 03:42: The speaker recounts his first deliberate act of rejection therapy: singing for strangers at a restaurant.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/6qvi551fXTo/00-03-42.png)
![Screenshot at 04:50: The speaker describes approaching a woman studying in a hallway to ask for a picture, illustrating another attempt at rejection therapy.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/6qvi551fXTo/00-04-50.png)
![Screenshot at 06:02: The speaker stands on stage in front of large red TED letters, preparing to discuss his challenges and lessons learned.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/6qvi551fXTo/00-06-02.png)
![Screenshot at 07:58: The speaker recounts asking the waitress at the Haidilao restaurant to sing a birthday song for his friend, leading to an awkward interaction.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/6qvi551fXTo/00-07-58.png)
![Screenshot at 10:10: The speaker gestures making a phone call sign while recounting asking the waitress to call the restaurant's headquarters about his request.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/6qvi551fXTo/00-10-10.png)
![Screenshot at 11:15: The speaker shares the positive outcome: successfully getting the entire restaurant staff to sing for free for his friend's birthday.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/6qvi551fXTo/00-11-15.png)