Understanding the Psychology of Perfectionism - Dr Paul Hewitt

Quick Overview

Perfectionism is a deeply ingrained personality style stemming from a core feeling of being flawed or not enough, which drives individuals to conceal imperfections or strive for perfection to achieve acceptability, love, and worth, a pursuit that ultimately fails to relieve the underlying belief of unacceptability, as success does not solve the core issue while failure confirms it.

Key Points: Perfectionism functions as a way of navigating the world based on the core belief that "at the core I'm not enough" or flawed, leading to attempts to conceal imperfections to gain acceptance and worth. The development of perfectionism often originates from early life experiences characterized by 'asynchrony or a nonatunement' where basic needs for worth and belonging were not met by caregivers. Healthy striving and ambition are entirely different psychological constructs from perfectionism; perfectionism is driven by the need to 'repair the self,' whereas excellence striving is driven to 'push the self' and attain difficult standards. Achievement does not relieve perfectionism; success is never sufficient, and failure always confirms the underlying belief of unacceptability, leading to an escalation of standards, or 'upping the ante' each time. Inside a perfectionist's mind, the self-relational dialogue is often 'abusive, harsh, critical,' resembling dialogue that would lead to divorce or arrest if spoken to a loved one. Perfectionism manifests in three dispositional dimensions: self-oriented (I need me to be perfect), other-oriented (I need you to be perfect), and socially prescribed (I perceive others need me to be perfect). Perfectionism is associated with increased stress, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, relationship problems, and is specifically linked to predicting suicide even when controlling for depression and hopelessness, particularly socially prescribed perfectionism.

Context: Dr. Paul Hewitt discusses the psychology of perfectionism, defining it as a personality style rooted in a fundamental sense of inadequacy or defectiveness. This style develops early in life, often stemming from attachment issues where essential needs for worth and belonging were unmet by caregivers, leading the individual to adopt perfection as a survival strategy to gain acceptability and love from others.