# The secret to being heard | Stef Reid MBE | TEDxSwansea Women Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35cCMpJ5X08 Recap page: https://rapidrecap.app/video/35cCMpJ5X08 Generated: 2026-01-23T16:39:23.938+00:00 --- ## Quick Overview The secret to being heard, according to Stef Reid MBE, is not about volume or authority, but about demonstrating competence, care, and consistency in your actions and communication, which ultimately earns you the right to be listened to by others, including those in positions of power. **Key Points:** - The speaker recounts a difficult decision she faced regarding a photoshoot where the shoot itself was nude, leading her to initially decline the invitation. - She reveals that her mother's reaction to the situation—her parents having the right to veto the decision—highlighted the immense care and investment they had in her, despite their initial opposition to her athletic pursuits. - Reid emphasizes that high-level performance in sports or business requires three Cs: Competence, Care, and Consistency, stating that these traits put you in a position of power. - She cites her long jump coach, Aston, who consistently showed he cared by weaving himself through the pack during races, checking in on athletes, which built trust. - The core message is that being heard is not about volume or hierarchy; it is about demonstrating genuine care and competence, which makes people listen to you. - Research shows that people listen when they perceive competence, care, and consistency, not based on volume or authority. ![Screenshot at 00:24: The speaker, Stef Reid MBE, stands on stage at TEDxSwansea Women, dressed in a blue dress, beginning her narrative by mentioning an invitation to an amazing photoshoot that presented a difficult decision for her.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/35cCMpJ5X08/00-00-24.jpg) **Context:** Stef Reid MBE delivers this TEDx talk at TEDxSwansea Women, sharing a personal story about a conflict between her desire to participate in a professional photoshoot and her parents' concerns about the potentially damaging nature of the images. This anecdote serves as a foundation for her central theme: that true influence and being heard stem from demonstrating competence, care, and consistency in one's actions, rather than relying on status or volume. ## Detailed Analysis Stef Reid MBE recounts an instance where she was invited to participate in a photoshoot for a major publication, but the shoot was nude, causing her to initially decline due to her parents' potential disapproval, as they had previously opposed her athletic career. She notes that her mother's insistence that they had the right to veto the decision, despite their immense care for her, revealed the depth of their investment. This personal story leads into her main thesis: the key to being heard is built on three fundamental elements: Competence, Care, and Consistency (the three Cs). She illustrates 'Care' through her coach, Aston, who consistently checked in on her during races for a year, showing he cared about her well-being, not just her results. She contrasts this with the 'subjective value of information' when people are shouting in a noisy world where no one is truly listening. Reid argues that being heard is not about power or hierarchy; it is about earning the right to be listened to by consistently demonstrating competence and genuine care for others. She concludes that this approach is what truly matters, both in sports and in the business world, as it shifts the focus from external validation to internal character. ### The Photoshoot Dilemma - Speaker received an invitation for a photoshoot that required nudity, which she initially declined because her parents felt they had the right to veto such decisions, despite years of supporting her athletic dreams. - The decision was difficult because she knew her mother's opposition stemmed from deep care, not malice. ### The Three Cs of Influence - The secret to being heard is not volume or authority, but demonstrating Competence, Care, and Consistency (the three Cs). - Competence and Consistency are essential for professional success, but Care is what defines true leadership and connection. ### The Role of Care - She shares an anecdote about her long jump coach, Aston, who consistently showed he cared by checking on her during every race session for a year, demonstrating investment beyond just performance metrics. - This demonstrated care is what ultimately earns trust and makes people listen. ### Conclusion on Communication - Being heard is not about volume or status; it is about the care and attention shown to others, which creates the conditions where people are willing to listen and value what you say. ![Screenshot at 00:02: Title card for the TEDxSwansea Women event, featuring a stylized black and red cityscape graphic.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/35cCMpJ5X08/00-00-02.jpg) ![Screenshot at 00:14: Slide introducing the speaker, Stef Reid MBE, alongside the talk theme, "X Fireflies in the Shadows."](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/35cCMpJ5X08/00-00-14.jpg) ![Screenshot at 00:22: Speaker Stef Reid MBE stands on the red circular rug on the stage, wearing a blue dress, beginning her address by discussing a major decision she had to make.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/35cCMpJ5X08/00-00-22.jpg) ![Screenshot at 01:16: Speaker pauses, hands clasped, reflecting on the difficulty of a situation she faced regarding her parents' reaction to her career choices.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/35cCMpJ5X08/00-01-16.jpg) ![Screenshot at 09:58: Speaker stands center stage, hands clasped, concluding her point about leadership being defined by character and the need to be heard.](https://ss.rapidrecap.app/screens/35cCMpJ5X08/00-09-58.jpg)